Updated: Nov 22, 2022
"She left her kids and husband for some other man", says a husband to everyone about his wife. He adds, "Since 9 years I am taking care of the kids and kids mother is doing debauchery."
The aim of this blog is to broaden our understanding to make ourself and the world better and the aim is not to talk about any person. So let's change the real names. Let's name the kids father as 'Salil' and lets name kids mother as 'Anju'.
Salil, father of the kids claims that he has been taking care of the kids since 9 years and Anju, kids mother, left him and kids for some other men 9 years ago.
Reality is that Anju left her parents for Salil. Anju curbed her desires for Salil. She stood by him through thick and thin. She earned and she took care of entire household activities even when Salil was not earning. She never even felt that she was doing for Salil. She did multitasking work. She felt Salil as a part of herself. Only later she realized that she was being fooled and used and she was too naive and gullible.
Anju had a very bad, physically abusive and emotionally traumatic married life for 16 years. Because Anju married against her parents' wishes so she had to prove that her marriage and her choice was good and she didn't have the option to go back to her parents. She was hopeful, and she kept trying always with a smile.
Anju's husband used her as a money earning machine, as a means to satisfy all his needs but he didn't satisfy any of Anju's needs. Like most of our Indian girls Anju was trained by her mother to make the husband and the in-laws happy. Anju also had dreamt of always being happy, of making the best couple, to travel the world and make everyone around her happy. So she tried her best to please her husband and entire family of her husband. She killed her desires, her needs and gave more than what she could and tried to please all.
Because her dream was to travel and that was the common factor of their marriage, Anju would always please Salil for a trip. But Salil didn't take Anju for honeymoon also and neither for a trip of even 5 days at a stretch. Every time Anju demanded, Salil said that they need to earn money now. He kept promising that he will take Anju for trips after 1 years, after 1 year and after 1 year but he never fulfilled his any promises. 15 years passed and Salil never took Anju for trip of even 5 days at a stretch.
Salil didn't make love to Anju for months together. Anju had physical needs and emotional needs also which were never satisfied. Salil would turn his back on Anju while sleeping. Anju would hold Salil and Salil would remove Anju's hands. Anju would often lay crying the entire night. That was not all. Salil had sex with Anju only once or twice a year. He used to pin down Anju and hurt her which caused green marks like मुक्का मार on the thighs and arms of Anju. Salil had premature ejaculation. Salil also forced oral and anal sex which was very painful for Anju. Still, Anju wanted to satisfy and please Salil and she submitted herself totally.
Anju was God gifted to do more work. She used her gift to do a lot for Salil. Anju did 2 full time jobs, entire cooking at home and took care of regular household activities. She thought that once she earns money and gives Salil, then they would have a good married life. She always was hopeful, positive and focused on what was there. She exhausted herself so much that she had no time to even think about herself.
And a twist came in the life of Anju. After almost 10 years of marriage, their first kid was born and they had financially rewarding job. And after 15 years of marriage, the second kid was born. Anju didn't have a good childhood and had a second citizen feeling during her childhood. So she wanted to give everything to her kids and didn't want them to have the feeling that she had.
Anju kept insisting and requesting for trips but now Salil got a reason that the kids are small and so cant travel. Anju was ready to travel with small kids but Salil refused. Just then she discovered that her husband Salil had a girlfriend and he would travel with his girlfriend and hide and lie to Anju. Anju next year went for a trek with a group and made some friends. These friends were planning a trip on bike. In this group there was a man who had separated from his wife. When Anju came to know about it, she told that man her life story to give an example that all marriages have some flaws and we should focus on what is there and live for our next generation. This man got to know about Anju's life and he started having feelings for Anju. Anju made clear that for her, her kids and marriage were the focus. Anju had dream to travel since her childhood. Her parents had left her and travelled with other kids of family. Her brother got to travel. Her husband took other female and had trips. She still decided to travel with this group. And for Anju it didn't matter if the person was a male or female and Anju still planned to go with his group. Knowing this Anju's husband hit her on the road and left her bleeding. That was the end of the relationship with Salil for Anju.
She declared that she can never now patch up with Salil. Salil desperately wanted back Anju. Anju said that she has died now. Salil would reply that he will get 'Sanjeevani' and make her alive. But all this false promises of Salil were enough for Anju. She already like a fool believed Salil for 16 years. Now was enough.
Anju separated with her kids and a full time maid. She was the professor and had gone for her job. And Salil came and took away the kids from Savita. Anju came home and got to know this. She went to the other house but Salil did not let her come in the house. Salil didn't let Anju meet their kids and slowly turned the kids mind against Anju. The kids started hating Anju and Anju was left totally shattered and broken. She had no other option. She was left all alone. Salil tried a lot to have Anju back and used kids as a tool to possess Anju. But Anju had had enough and she didn't want to return to Salil. She wanted her kids and her kids wellbeing and her freedom. Enough of possessiveness and enough of submission to others. She kept fighting for her kids. Its 9 years now, the court case is still going on.
Salil also played very nasty and dirty games with Anju. Anju went to police too. That we will see in the later blogs.
Its 9 years. Anju stayed alone without her kids. She bore the hatred of kids. She bore the label that she left kids and husband. And she is still fighting in court.
Anju didn't get justice from the court and from police.
But there is a higher court, the court of God. In God's court there is always justice.
Anju got justice in the God's court. Her kids who once hated her, now they love her and they are emotionally and spiritually connected. Anju's daughter is 16 years now and she is her best friend. And the same kids whom Salil had turned against Anju, now they hate Salil. Salil didn't take Anju in the home and didn't allow her to meet her kids. Today the situation is that the same kids don't allow Salil to enter his house. What Salil gave, the same has returned to him multi-fold. What we give comes back.
As we sow, so shall we reap.
There are two types of people. Some are jovial and cheerful ( khushmijaj) people by default and some are gloomy and miserable. Anju was always cheerful and because of that people around her always felt that she had the best of everything including husband, marriage, kids, in-laws, situations, etc. Anja spoke in high regards about her in-laws family and her close friends also felt that Anju was so lucky to have such good people around her. And then when she separated from Salil after not being able to take it anymore, she was the one who was blamed and labelled.
In this male chauvinist society, even if the husband doesn't satisfy the wife, it's considered ok. But a wife HAS TO SATISFY AND PLEASE her husband and in-laws.
Even if the husband has an affair, its considered ok. He will boast about his extra marital affair in his friends. But if the wife has a male friends who loves her after her husband has a girlfriend, still it's not ok and she is blamed for it? Why so much of difference?
What type of society do we live in? At one place we say equality. And in reality we see so many women who are being tortured and harassed. Our kanoon system is also unsupportive. More such real experiences will be in the upcoming blogs. Stay tuned. But more than that, understand and feel the pain and suffering of hundreds of such women. We have a venture 'ME Mahila Enterprises ' where hundreds of women have shared their pain and sufferings and the heart saddens to see that. I request you all to take a small action whatever you wish to, to make this world a better place, to make a proper space for women.
Let see what our great holy scriptures have to say on woman:
यत्र नार्यस्तु पूज्यन्ते रमन्ते तत्र देवताः ।
यत्रैतास्तु न पूज्यन्ते सर्वास्तत्राफलाः क्रियाः ॥
• Meaning: The divine are extremely happy where women are respected (worshiped, figuratively), where they are not, all actions (projects) are fruitless [3.56].
Meanings of few more shlokas:
• The family in which the daughters or newlywed brides mourn, that family suffers a quick destruction; and where they don't it surely prospers [3.57].
• Those homes that these disrespected women (daughters, daughters-in-laws) cast curse upon, they are eradicated as if destroyed by (the tantric deity of black magic) Kṛityā (कृत्या) [3.58].
• Hence, men who seek prosperity should always respect women, (and) on solemn occasions and festivals, adorn with ornaments, clothes and food [3.59].
• The family in which the husband is content with the wife and the wife is content with the husband, is certain to have divine blessings. [this doesn't mean only sexual contentment but how the two perform their duties to the home, family, their conduct, etc. like how a wife manages the whole house, relations, children, finances etc. or how the husband protects, earns, has social reputation, standing and circle etc.] [3.60].
• When the women look beautiful (adorn jewellery, do makeup, dress up) the whole family looks good, and when they don't everything looks insipid. [3.62]"
(Please note that the entire story is 100% true fact without any additives with only names changed.)
-What is your feeling about these types of situations?
-Are you also facing some similar type of situation?
-Could you relate to the characters and situations?
-What would you like to advice?
अकेले हम उंगली है, साथ मिल जाए तो ताकत.